Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I rode my bike into work today and made a frightening discovery...

Geology and the study of geothermal dynamics is a curious and facinating topic. The mysteries of the Earth's crust and its movements are still largely an enigma, but science can at the very least observe and to a relatively small degree predict those movements. Like the weather however such movements fall within the bounds of chaos theory and cannot be accurately predicted beyond a reasonable amount of time into the future; billions upon billions of microscopic particle interactions beyond our comprehension see to that.

Now you may be thinking to yourself... 'Get to the point.' Well my friends the point very simply is this: the hills of Kansas City are rising! It has been three months about since I ended my Summer long stretch of consistently commuting to work on my bike; in that time based upon my rough estimation which in turn is based upon performance comparisons of today's ride with my last, the hills of Kansas City have risen in height and steepness by no less than 20-30%. This amount of change in such a radically small amount of time (in geological terms) is virtually unheard of... and THAT is what scared me the most. This change HAS in fact been unheard of... no mention of these upheavals nor the unfelt but most assuredly occuring seismic events have made their way onto the evening news or into local newspapers.


The only possible explanation is COVER UP!


The United States Geologic Survey is infamous for its cover-ups. Google it for yourself. There is big money in hiding the fact that a killer earthquake is about to wipe out a town. Insurance companies for one are eager to avoid having to pay out on numerous brand new earth quake policies such as would surely happen if people were aware that Kansas City has recently had so much seismic activity we are experiencing a visible shift in our landscape.

The New Madrid fault was long thought to be the nearest geo-threat to the Midwest, but we are sitting on a number of ancient, supposedly inactive fault lines. It is clear to me now that the city itself must be involved in the cover up due to the lack of visible damage to asphalt, bridges, etc. Now that I think of it though, there do seem to be larger numbers of city street workers about lately... most likely under the guise of fixing winter pot holes; a perfect cover. Prepare yourselves... this tectonic terror is being hidden from view by unscrupulous bureaucrats no doubt, but the clock on my desk does not lie. It took me a full 15 minutes longer to ride to work than it should have and there is absolutely no other explanation...

...unless I am just out of shape.

2 comments:

Gina said...

I vote for a cover up. The KC Star media is probably in on it as well.

Percussivity said...

Kind of you.