Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Singed nostrils...

I just returned from the restroom and I have a story to tell... a story about a man... the man who walked out as I was walking in... actually a story about the smell that assaulted me upon entry which surely must have come from that man.

Were it not for the incinerating fires of Melkor's malice and hatred which clothed the mightly Gothmog in his evil glory, the gaseous emissions of that Lord of Balrogs were they to escape the flames mayhap could rival the stench of which I speak. Were the belchings of darkness and death within Torech Ungol gathered together and put into a phial concentrate, they might have attained unto the vileness I have experienced. Nay the heady vapours of the Dead Marshes in comparison are like unto the gardens of Fimbrethil, or the perfumes of the blossoms of Nimloth. I speak of a malodorous air beyond comprehension; a noisome rottenness the likes of which could not have come from mere mortal man. Perhaps he was not of this world. Perhaps he was... no; the horror of this memory haunts me and I will speak of it no longer. I must try to purge my mind of it lest it drive me to vomit in my mouth... again.

Seriously... the guy is in desperate need of a visit to the gastroenterologist.

6 comments:

The Angry Coder said...

Are you by chance a dark mage named 'Tim'?

The Irascible Neufonzola said...

There are those who call me...."Tim".

Greetings Tim the Enchanter!

[stopping now, don't want to turn this into a runaway Pythonfest]

While I liked the use of malodorous and noisome I was disappointed to not see odoriferous or odiferous, or "funk", or fetid.

Percussivity said...

Well I had my thesaurus on call and I could have gone on but I felt I made the point well enough.

The Irascible Neufonzola said...

Fetid is a word rarely used without being followed by 'stench'. I mean, you don't say, that's a fetid smell. You refer to a fetid stench. I've never heard someone utter "stand clear, my feet are verging on fetid this morning!". Perhaps I ought to lead the charge in utilising the word "fetid" in other contexts than as a prefix to stench.

"How are you feeling, John?"
"Fetid, Frank, just plain fetid."

"Honey, are you cooking dinner? The air in here has gone all fetid."

Maybe as an interjection!

"Fetid! Fetid fetid fetid! I knew I should have mounted this fetid shelf with fetid concrete screws! I'm a fetid fetid-head!"

Percussivity said...

The interjectory potential is virtually unlimited!!

grk said...

I know it's low brow, but that really stinks...

let the games begin.