Monday, December 10, 2007

Ah... my kind of humor.

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Kimber 1911 45 ACP (Nic, is this a good one???), and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

DEMOCRAT'S Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
- Does the man look poor or oppressed?
- Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
- Could we run away?
- What does my wife think?
- What about the kids?
- Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
- What does the law say about this situation?
- Does the gun have appropriate safety built into it?
- Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
- Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
- If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
- Should I call 9-1-1 ?
- Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, paint and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

REPUBLICAN'S Answer:
BANG!

SOUTHERNER'S Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click...

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"

Son: "Daddy, Can I shoot the next one?"

Wife: "You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!"


I guess I would be the Republican... but I lack the gun at this point.

1 comment:

The Irascible Neufonzola said...

Hah, the Kimber 1911 is kind of like the Gibson Les Paul. The design has been around for ages, a lot of people swear by them, they are by nature overpriced, and they both weigh a ton.

Short answer, yes, good gun, some love them, I'm actually more fond of other designs and makes that are cheaper and don't weigh 49 lbs. More technically speaking, I'm not a fan of single-action pistols; the 1911, while an admirable design and one that can be tuned for extreme accuracy, uses what is known as single action. This is where the hammer stays cocked over the firing pin, and only a light trigger pull is required to release it. Double action on the other hand starts with the hammer down, at rest. A longer, heavier trigger pull is required to raise the hammer fully and then release it. It is a personal preference issue, but I don't prefer a gun that has a hammer raised and poised over a firing pin like the 1911, especially as a carry piece. Fine at the range, but I guess I just have trust issues with that style. But some heartily prefer it, and just to ensure I'm not responsible for the dissemination of false information, I'm not saying a 1911 design is actually "less safe"...it has a thumb safety and a grip safety to prevent an accidental discharge. Just a personal thing I guess.

But, offer me a Kimber 1911, and I'll be the first to say "yes please!".

But the story is a classic. I suppose I would be classified by extension as a Southerner, but I feel immensely not-Southern. Can one be a Yankee gun nut? One would assume so as most of the greatest names in firearms history, that hailed from the US, were Yankees. Samuel Colt, Oliver Winchester, Eliphalet Remington, Bill Ruger, Christian Sharps, Horace Smith, Daniel Wesson, and to a lesser extent the not-quite-Yankees-but-definitely-not-Southern Eugene Stoner and that greatest of all designers, John Moses Browning. Now, as for the actual END-USERS the south may have the edge there. They may not build many of them but they certainly will put them to use!

'Eliphalet' is quite a name.